From One Life to Another
The crispness in the air and the stirring sounds of the village were the signs of the early morning wake up call. It wouldn’t be long before our home would be stirring, and the day begun as it did in the same way each morning.
I had to leave our home before dawn and walk to work in the next village, which took me about two hours. My job was to create pottery, for the market stall owners to sell. It was a long day and before I walked home, I would be paid each day.
It wouldn’t be right to tell you how much I got paid, so I will tell you how much it means to me instead. I can provide for my family in all the ways that they need, because I work here. I am the richest man alive, for my family are provided for and are happy and healthy.
There are certain things that stir my senses and my inner core to a feeling of pure joy. Besides my family being provided for, it is the aroma of the Dal ‘Lentil’ soup that I can smell miles away from my home.
My wife makes this for us in the morning and all day it simmers. The spices create an aroma that is so enticing, even though my body is tired, it comes alive for this smell.
If I really thought about it, I think that I associate the smell of Dal with coming home to my family and seeing them happy. Walking home to this peacefulness fills my heart with love.
Today I made an extra ten pottery vases. It was a good day. In fact, it was the best day I had had for a long time.
From dawn to dusk, my two little boys were very active and enjoyed chattering away to each other. My wife looks after them very well. She sees that they are cared for at every minute of the day. Something that I wish I could do.
Our village, where she works in has many other mothers who bring their children with them. The children know no different and are happy playing alongside their mothers.
The grain that my wife has to sift through each day is heavy on her hands, and the bowl in which she uses to stir and circulate the grain is very old because she has used the same bowl from the time she was a young girl.
Day after day, month after month, through rain, hail or shine, I walk to my work and spend the whole day making pottery as she sifts through the grain, looking after the children at the same time. I am grateful that I no longer have to dig the fields all day, as I did in my younger years. That was my initiation into earning a living.
Our lives became so busy, not really seeing a lot of each other.
One evening, when I arrived home, filled with the smell of the Dal and excited by the thought of seeing my family, I opened the door to our home and found utter quiet. The boys were quiet and my wife was quiet. Everyone was still.
I asked my wife how her day was and she told me that it was good. I greeted my boys with a hug as I asked them how their day was. Both of them chimed at the same time and told me it was good.
I realised then and there that the reason for my living and working so hard was for this very reason – that all was good.
After the dishes had been cleared, I took them outside to clean them in the tubs that my wife had filled. While I did this, she changed the boys into their sleeping clothes and put them into bed.
As I washed the dirty dishes, I felt in my heart that something was not right. It all seemed right, but there was something missing.
Wiping the dishes with the cloth, I brought them inside to find my wife, sitting on the floor and weaving the colourful threads of cotton into beautiful mats. This was her favourite past time when she relaxed.
I walked to the boys beds and gave each of them a hug. Their love was beautiful as they each gave me a big hug and said goodnight. It brought a tear to my eye and warmed my heart every night when this ritual took place.
Taking a deep relaxing breath, I sat beside my wife on the ground, stretching my aching legs out in front of me. The long walks each day and the tedious work that I did was relentless on my body, however, I never complain as I have clear memories of what a hard day was like in the fields.
She continued to weave and then released a sigh. I would love to know what was on her mind, but whenever I asked, she would just say that it was nothing and then give me a smile. Her face was a gentle, loving face. Her skin soft and even though she was out in the elements all day, she managed to protect her skin from the harshness that we lived in. Her eyes were a soft hue of light brown, which I fell in love with the moment I met her. They carried the gentleness of her soul and shone so brightly.
The feeling I got earlier when I was washing the dishes surfaced. My instinct told me that it was something I had to address. So I persisted in the knowledge that led me. I asked her how her day was. When she replied, she put down her weaving and looked at me.
I was shocked at first, because her weaving was never put down, even when we were talking.
She told me that the boys got into some mischief today and it upset her. They stole some food that was in the house close by to where she was working. The lady of the house was very angry at them and she shouted at the boys and at her in front of all of the other people.
I could see her eyes start to tear, as she slightly turned her head away, regained her composure and then looked at me again. Those eyes of hers were my weakness, my whole being could be carried in those eyes. It tore my heart open to see them looking sad.
I comforted her. Moving closer to her and wiping a stray tear I told her not to worry. The boys must have thought it was a game, but didn’t realise how serious it was.
She sobbed now. She said that she felt embarrassed, but she too knew that the boys didn’t mean any harm. They were just passing the time whilst she went to pick up more of the grain from the nearby field station.
She said that for the rest of the day, she hardly spoke to the boys. They were quiet too, for they knew they had done wrong. She told them that they would be punished, but she would have to tell me first and then see what punishment would be given. She said that they seemed to be at peace with this decision, which made her feel even worse. If they had protested or acted differently towards it, then she would have felt that it was a normal response.
Shifting her position on the ground, she crossed her legs and began to sit in her meditation pose. This was another favourite past time that gave her a lot of peace.
I joined her. I often would meditate alongside her. Many times, our thoughts would intertwine. We knew that we were connecting on a deeper level. This was very special between us and it was something we knew was unique to us. We never spoke about it though.
As we sat there in silence, I could hear the sounds of the night enveloping our village. The candles we had burning, flickered ever so gently. From a neighbouring house, we could hear the faint sound of someone playing an instrument. The wind carried the sound, gently wafting its magic through the village and into our home.
The deep state of meditation brought me into a sacred space that I can only describe as pure bliss. I could tell my wife was taking a little longer to reach a deep state tonight, however, she did reach it. Together we sat in silence, deep in our souls we were at peace in a sacred union.
I sensed her worries about the children and about being alone through the day. She felt a big weight on her shoulders and it continued day in day out. I could sense she was beginning to shift her thoughts, but they were too strong and she let them lead her.
My own senses were overridden by hers as I was taken to a land far away, where I didn’t have any family or any home. This gave me a sense of how lucky I was to have what I have.
As we sat in stillness, the sense of my wife’s worry was overwhelming. I felt a deep and heaviness in my heart. With a deep breath in, I sent my wife all the love that I could imagine and placed it around her. In my thoughts I could see this breath as a pink mist that drifted smoothly and slowly, enveloping her in pure love.
In that second, we shifted and sensed ourselves come back to our physical bodies. Slowly we opened our eyes and for a brief second when we looked at each other, it was a glimmer of knowingness, unconditional love and a gentle reminder that we are connected on a deeper level.
I loved it when we did this and I know my wife did too, though we never spoke about it.
Days and months went by. The daily rituals were accomplished and the seasons changed. My boys were growing up and now they spent their days with a small group of children who attended a school, just near to where my wife was working.
This gave her much relief and it taught the boys a lot about life as well. We managed in our day to day lives and always had everything provided for.
For me, this was all I wanted. For my wife, I could tell she was fulfilled with the love that she could give to our children and the balance of working seemed to keep her mind busy but there was always a little bit of sadness that persisted, which I believe had something to do with me. I never knew how to fix this. It saddened me as well, especially since it developed as time went on.
As the years passed, we still kept to our routines. The climate had been kind to our village and the crops were in abundance. Our stores were plentiful. When the boys were reaching their teenage years, they began to work in the fields, the same way that I started out.
My eldest boy was always thinking ahead and a very hard worker. One day, he would be a wonderful provider for his own family. My youngest was a very thoughtful boy, caring about his family and helping our community in any way he saw fit. Even in his youth, his knowledge was far wiser than that of his age. I saw their wonderful qualities develop over the years and it filled my heart with joy. I know that my wife had a lot to do with this, as she nurtured them each day with love and support. They became her soul purpose in this life.
Age was creeping up and at the end of a very long day, my body would ache as I looked forward to retreating to our home for some quiet time. On this particular night, I opened the door and there was no welcoming smells of Dal, no smiling faces sitting at the table. Instead, I could see my wife was visibly upset, she was quivering with sadness. Yet, my boys were not by her side.
I could see two small sacks by the door. They were both sitting on their small beds discussing something. When I approached my wife and asked her what was wrong, she sobbed some more.
I then proceeded to ask my boys what was wrong. There was silence. Then my eldest boy told me that it was time that they left home to seek a village that would help them to make a better life for their future.
I stood dead still. This was the moment I had dreaded for a long time. I knew at that moment, that this was also what my wife had dreaded and the sadness that I detected all those years. She feared this day and now it had come.
My youngest boy had tears in his eyes as he hugged his mother and told her how much he loved her. He thanked her for looking after them. The bond between them was strong, it always was – and always will be. He came to me and looked me in the eyes. His words and the sense that I got from him was like nothing I have ever felt. He told me that it was time and that he would be back. He thanked me for all my hard work and for providing our family with everything that was needed. He told me not to worry, for his elder brother would look after him now.
My heart sank. My voice was a mere croak and I had no strength in my body. As my legs quivered, my eldest boy took hold of me and gave me the biggest hug I have ever experienced. There were no words, just his body language. He felt strong. I felt his love.
In an instant, I knew that he would be alright. We had raised him and his brother to be strong and they knew the qualities that were necessary to build a good life. They would be fine.
My wife was in a heaving state of sorrow. Her body doubled over as her sobs were so loud.
The boys left after a final hug for both of us, both of them strong, but with tears in their eyes.
I can only say that the minutes, hours, days, months after they left were the hardest I have ever encountered. Each day was painful as I walked to work. My journey back and forth was so much harder now that my family was apart.
The depression and sadness that my wife experienced was so intense. She retreated into herself and barely spoke a word. Her sense of purpose had been diminished and all that she had left was the emptiness that filled her body, mind and soul day in and day out. It left no room for me in her life. I came home to an empty person. She was a mere shell of the person I once knew.
I tried my best to make her happy, but nothing seemed to fill that void that she experienced. I even tried to stay home more often, which was detrimental to my job, but this was far more important. That seemed to make matters worse. She preferred me to be away from her. Yet, I couldn’t stand the thought of her being alone. It was a very hard situation.
Five years had gone by and the boys had not come to see us. It was heartbreaking on all counts. Our village had changed, there were more people residing in the area and fields and crops had diminished somewhat due to the inclement weather. The abundance seemed to have been swept away for what was once a thriving area.
I felt this was significant as it symbolised the way my wife and I drifted apart. We hardly spoke. The last meditation we did together was months ago and I felt she was not even resonating with me on a soul level. She had left her body and she had left me.
I pondered the thought of what I should do, asking for guidance. Each day, my thoughts were the same. One day on my way home I became entranced in my footsteps, I didn’t even realise that I was walking. My mind had wondered off and led me to a beautiful place where everything blossomed. There was an abundance of everything. I looked over a beautiful still lake that had a bridge connecting one side to the other. I saw my wife there. She was happy.
I knew in my heart that in order for my wife to be happy again, I would have to leave her. This broke my heart, but at the same time, the images that I saw filled my heart with joy again.
As I walked the remainder of the distance home, the familiar smell of Dal wafted through the air. My senses were excited as my heart quickened. This was a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a long time.
As I opened the front door, the Dal smell was glorious. My wife had even served mine already and there was some bread to eat with it that she placed next to my bowl.
There was something different about tonight. I felt my heart was exploding with love and gratitude.
The image that I had earlier, popped into my mind. As we ate together, much to my surprise, my wife asked me about my day. As I began to tell her, I became overwhelmed.
A small sob escaped me, which she detected. To my surprise, she came and sat next to me, putting her hand on my shoulder and leaning on me. Her warmth was so beautiful. I felt like hugging and squeezing her. But I didn’t.
She looked into my eyes, as she wiped away a tear on my cheek that escaped. She said to me not to worry. She knows I have to go, but everything will be alright. She has seen it and it is beautiful. One day soon, we will all be together again and each one of us will be happy. With her eyes, her beautiful light brown eyes, I saw the glimmer of hope and love that had been there many years ago and was still there. This was the same woman I had loved and would always love.
I wiped my own eyes of the residual tears, hugged her so tightly and felt her embrace right back at me. It felt loving and that’s all that mattered.
As I stood up from the table, I noticed a sack which had been packed. My wife had already known what I wanted to do and she had helped me to make tonight as peaceful as possible.
I picked up the sack, looked at my wife and told her I loved her. We embraced each other and even a small excited laugh was heard from both of us. It was a beautiful feeling as I walked through the front door.
Turning around one more time, her beautiful eyes shone like I’ve never seen them before.
© Gillian Du Caurroy 2016
The crispness in the air and the stirring sounds of the village were the signs of the early morning wake up call. It wouldn’t be long before our home would be stirring, and the day begun as it did in the same way each morning.
I had to leave our home before dawn and walk to work in the next village, which took me about two hours. My job was to create pottery, for the market stall owners to sell. It was a long day and before I walked home, I would be paid each day.
It wouldn’t be right to tell you how much I got paid, so I will tell you how much it means to me instead. I can provide for my family in all the ways that they need, because I work here. I am the richest man alive, for my family are provided for and are happy and healthy.
There are certain things that stir my senses and my inner core to a feeling of pure joy. Besides my family being provided for, it is the aroma of the Dal ‘Lentil’ soup that I can smell miles away from my home.
My wife makes this for us in the morning and all day it simmers. The spices create an aroma that is so enticing, even though my body is tired, it comes alive for this smell.
If I really thought about it, I think that I associate the smell of Dal with coming home to my family and seeing them happy. Walking home to this peacefulness fills my heart with love.
Today I made an extra ten pottery vases. It was a good day. In fact, it was the best day I had had for a long time.
From dawn to dusk, my two little boys were very active and enjoyed chattering away to each other. My wife looks after them very well. She sees that they are cared for at every minute of the day. Something that I wish I could do.
Our village, where she works in has many other mothers who bring their children with them. The children know no different and are happy playing alongside their mothers.
The grain that my wife has to sift through each day is heavy on her hands, and the bowl in which she uses to stir and circulate the grain is very old because she has used the same bowl from the time she was a young girl.
Day after day, month after month, through rain, hail or shine, I walk to my work and spend the whole day making pottery as she sifts through the grain, looking after the children at the same time. I am grateful that I no longer have to dig the fields all day, as I did in my younger years. That was my initiation into earning a living.
Our lives became so busy, not really seeing a lot of each other.
One evening, when I arrived home, filled with the smell of the Dal and excited by the thought of seeing my family, I opened the door to our home and found utter quiet. The boys were quiet and my wife was quiet. Everyone was still.
I asked my wife how her day was and she told me that it was good. I greeted my boys with a hug as I asked them how their day was. Both of them chimed at the same time and told me it was good.
I realised then and there that the reason for my living and working so hard was for this very reason – that all was good.
After the dishes had been cleared, I took them outside to clean them in the tubs that my wife had filled. While I did this, she changed the boys into their sleeping clothes and put them into bed.
As I washed the dirty dishes, I felt in my heart that something was not right. It all seemed right, but there was something missing.
Wiping the dishes with the cloth, I brought them inside to find my wife, sitting on the floor and weaving the colourful threads of cotton into beautiful mats. This was her favourite past time when she relaxed.
I walked to the boys beds and gave each of them a hug. Their love was beautiful as they each gave me a big hug and said goodnight. It brought a tear to my eye and warmed my heart every night when this ritual took place.
Taking a deep relaxing breath, I sat beside my wife on the ground, stretching my aching legs out in front of me. The long walks each day and the tedious work that I did was relentless on my body, however, I never complain as I have clear memories of what a hard day was like in the fields.
She continued to weave and then released a sigh. I would love to know what was on her mind, but whenever I asked, she would just say that it was nothing and then give me a smile. Her face was a gentle, loving face. Her skin soft and even though she was out in the elements all day, she managed to protect her skin from the harshness that we lived in. Her eyes were a soft hue of light brown, which I fell in love with the moment I met her. They carried the gentleness of her soul and shone so brightly.
The feeling I got earlier when I was washing the dishes surfaced. My instinct told me that it was something I had to address. So I persisted in the knowledge that led me. I asked her how her day was. When she replied, she put down her weaving and looked at me.
I was shocked at first, because her weaving was never put down, even when we were talking.
She told me that the boys got into some mischief today and it upset her. They stole some food that was in the house close by to where she was working. The lady of the house was very angry at them and she shouted at the boys and at her in front of all of the other people.
I could see her eyes start to tear, as she slightly turned her head away, regained her composure and then looked at me again. Those eyes of hers were my weakness, my whole being could be carried in those eyes. It tore my heart open to see them looking sad.
I comforted her. Moving closer to her and wiping a stray tear I told her not to worry. The boys must have thought it was a game, but didn’t realise how serious it was.
She sobbed now. She said that she felt embarrassed, but she too knew that the boys didn’t mean any harm. They were just passing the time whilst she went to pick up more of the grain from the nearby field station.
She said that for the rest of the day, she hardly spoke to the boys. They were quiet too, for they knew they had done wrong. She told them that they would be punished, but she would have to tell me first and then see what punishment would be given. She said that they seemed to be at peace with this decision, which made her feel even worse. If they had protested or acted differently towards it, then she would have felt that it was a normal response.
Shifting her position on the ground, she crossed her legs and began to sit in her meditation pose. This was another favourite past time that gave her a lot of peace.
I joined her. I often would meditate alongside her. Many times, our thoughts would intertwine. We knew that we were connecting on a deeper level. This was very special between us and it was something we knew was unique to us. We never spoke about it though.
As we sat there in silence, I could hear the sounds of the night enveloping our village. The candles we had burning, flickered ever so gently. From a neighbouring house, we could hear the faint sound of someone playing an instrument. The wind carried the sound, gently wafting its magic through the village and into our home.
The deep state of meditation brought me into a sacred space that I can only describe as pure bliss. I could tell my wife was taking a little longer to reach a deep state tonight, however, she did reach it. Together we sat in silence, deep in our souls we were at peace in a sacred union.
I sensed her worries about the children and about being alone through the day. She felt a big weight on her shoulders and it continued day in day out. I could sense she was beginning to shift her thoughts, but they were too strong and she let them lead her.
My own senses were overridden by hers as I was taken to a land far away, where I didn’t have any family or any home. This gave me a sense of how lucky I was to have what I have.
As we sat in stillness, the sense of my wife’s worry was overwhelming. I felt a deep and heaviness in my heart. With a deep breath in, I sent my wife all the love that I could imagine and placed it around her. In my thoughts I could see this breath as a pink mist that drifted smoothly and slowly, enveloping her in pure love.
In that second, we shifted and sensed ourselves come back to our physical bodies. Slowly we opened our eyes and for a brief second when we looked at each other, it was a glimmer of knowingness, unconditional love and a gentle reminder that we are connected on a deeper level.
I loved it when we did this and I know my wife did too, though we never spoke about it.
Days and months went by. The daily rituals were accomplished and the seasons changed. My boys were growing up and now they spent their days with a small group of children who attended a school, just near to where my wife was working.
This gave her much relief and it taught the boys a lot about life as well. We managed in our day to day lives and always had everything provided for.
For me, this was all I wanted. For my wife, I could tell she was fulfilled with the love that she could give to our children and the balance of working seemed to keep her mind busy but there was always a little bit of sadness that persisted, which I believe had something to do with me. I never knew how to fix this. It saddened me as well, especially since it developed as time went on.
As the years passed, we still kept to our routines. The climate had been kind to our village and the crops were in abundance. Our stores were plentiful. When the boys were reaching their teenage years, they began to work in the fields, the same way that I started out.
My eldest boy was always thinking ahead and a very hard worker. One day, he would be a wonderful provider for his own family. My youngest was a very thoughtful boy, caring about his family and helping our community in any way he saw fit. Even in his youth, his knowledge was far wiser than that of his age. I saw their wonderful qualities develop over the years and it filled my heart with joy. I know that my wife had a lot to do with this, as she nurtured them each day with love and support. They became her soul purpose in this life.
Age was creeping up and at the end of a very long day, my body would ache as I looked forward to retreating to our home for some quiet time. On this particular night, I opened the door and there was no welcoming smells of Dal, no smiling faces sitting at the table. Instead, I could see my wife was visibly upset, she was quivering with sadness. Yet, my boys were not by her side.
I could see two small sacks by the door. They were both sitting on their small beds discussing something. When I approached my wife and asked her what was wrong, she sobbed some more.
I then proceeded to ask my boys what was wrong. There was silence. Then my eldest boy told me that it was time that they left home to seek a village that would help them to make a better life for their future.
I stood dead still. This was the moment I had dreaded for a long time. I knew at that moment, that this was also what my wife had dreaded and the sadness that I detected all those years. She feared this day and now it had come.
My youngest boy had tears in his eyes as he hugged his mother and told her how much he loved her. He thanked her for looking after them. The bond between them was strong, it always was – and always will be. He came to me and looked me in the eyes. His words and the sense that I got from him was like nothing I have ever felt. He told me that it was time and that he would be back. He thanked me for all my hard work and for providing our family with everything that was needed. He told me not to worry, for his elder brother would look after him now.
My heart sank. My voice was a mere croak and I had no strength in my body. As my legs quivered, my eldest boy took hold of me and gave me the biggest hug I have ever experienced. There were no words, just his body language. He felt strong. I felt his love.
In an instant, I knew that he would be alright. We had raised him and his brother to be strong and they knew the qualities that were necessary to build a good life. They would be fine.
My wife was in a heaving state of sorrow. Her body doubled over as her sobs were so loud.
The boys left after a final hug for both of us, both of them strong, but with tears in their eyes.
I can only say that the minutes, hours, days, months after they left were the hardest I have ever encountered. Each day was painful as I walked to work. My journey back and forth was so much harder now that my family was apart.
The depression and sadness that my wife experienced was so intense. She retreated into herself and barely spoke a word. Her sense of purpose had been diminished and all that she had left was the emptiness that filled her body, mind and soul day in and day out. It left no room for me in her life. I came home to an empty person. She was a mere shell of the person I once knew.
I tried my best to make her happy, but nothing seemed to fill that void that she experienced. I even tried to stay home more often, which was detrimental to my job, but this was far more important. That seemed to make matters worse. She preferred me to be away from her. Yet, I couldn’t stand the thought of her being alone. It was a very hard situation.
Five years had gone by and the boys had not come to see us. It was heartbreaking on all counts. Our village had changed, there were more people residing in the area and fields and crops had diminished somewhat due to the inclement weather. The abundance seemed to have been swept away for what was once a thriving area.
I felt this was significant as it symbolised the way my wife and I drifted apart. We hardly spoke. The last meditation we did together was months ago and I felt she was not even resonating with me on a soul level. She had left her body and she had left me.
I pondered the thought of what I should do, asking for guidance. Each day, my thoughts were the same. One day on my way home I became entranced in my footsteps, I didn’t even realise that I was walking. My mind had wondered off and led me to a beautiful place where everything blossomed. There was an abundance of everything. I looked over a beautiful still lake that had a bridge connecting one side to the other. I saw my wife there. She was happy.
I knew in my heart that in order for my wife to be happy again, I would have to leave her. This broke my heart, but at the same time, the images that I saw filled my heart with joy again.
As I walked the remainder of the distance home, the familiar smell of Dal wafted through the air. My senses were excited as my heart quickened. This was a feeling I hadn’t experienced in a long time.
As I opened the front door, the Dal smell was glorious. My wife had even served mine already and there was some bread to eat with it that she placed next to my bowl.
There was something different about tonight. I felt my heart was exploding with love and gratitude.
The image that I had earlier, popped into my mind. As we ate together, much to my surprise, my wife asked me about my day. As I began to tell her, I became overwhelmed.
A small sob escaped me, which she detected. To my surprise, she came and sat next to me, putting her hand on my shoulder and leaning on me. Her warmth was so beautiful. I felt like hugging and squeezing her. But I didn’t.
She looked into my eyes, as she wiped away a tear on my cheek that escaped. She said to me not to worry. She knows I have to go, but everything will be alright. She has seen it and it is beautiful. One day soon, we will all be together again and each one of us will be happy. With her eyes, her beautiful light brown eyes, I saw the glimmer of hope and love that had been there many years ago and was still there. This was the same woman I had loved and would always love.
I wiped my own eyes of the residual tears, hugged her so tightly and felt her embrace right back at me. It felt loving and that’s all that mattered.
As I stood up from the table, I noticed a sack which had been packed. My wife had already known what I wanted to do and she had helped me to make tonight as peaceful as possible.
I picked up the sack, looked at my wife and told her I loved her. We embraced each other and even a small excited laugh was heard from both of us. It was a beautiful feeling as I walked through the front door.
Turning around one more time, her beautiful eyes shone like I’ve never seen them before.
© Gillian Du Caurroy 2016